I wish I could say I was unique in how my journey kicked off. Like I was reading Hegel and all of a sudden St. Thomas came through my window saying "tolle lege" with a copy of Summa en tote. That would have been cool, but that didn't happen.
Actually I was going through a phase of trying to figure out what God wanted to do with my life. I had been a Bible teacher/coach/athletic direct/preacher/lecturer and had left that to work in business. Clear the air. In an effort to get counsel (plans fail for a lack of it), I decided to meet with three different Christians I knew: a non-denom pastor, a Baptist pastor, and a Catholic friend who I knew loved the Lord. I got some good advice. However, from the Catholic I got Hahn's book. He said, "Read it and tell me what you think." So, I thought, "What's the harm in that?"
Taking the book from his hand, I guess I imagined that Mr. Hahn's journey would center around his love of architecture, aesthetics, or maybe detail some actual trip he took to Rome that spurned some type of spiritual renewal. That would be interesting. I will admit that at this point I did know quite a bit about Church history, St. Thomas, St. Anselm, and others like them. I wasn't immune to the possibility there was some type of intellectual argument in the book that might be persuasive. I had been using Catholic arguments in my Bible classes for some time. Yet, by God's grace, I took the book from my friend's hand like a large Easter Peep not knowing that it was more like a ticking time bomb.I read the entire book the next day. Let's mark the wreckage:
- Sola scriptura
- Ecclesial Deism
- My continued sense of comfort thinking I was okay where I was
- My hope that I could simply became Episcopal and everything would be okay
- Mary's less than prominent role in my faith for about a week at Christmas
When I got in bed that night with my wife, I whispered to her, "What if we became Catholic?" She mumbled, "Anything but Catholic." And so it began. It was time to buy some books. Mr. Hahn had laid a time bomb in my theology. Somehow my entire life of Christian study had been undone in one day. That felt bad. So, naturally I logged on to Amazon and ordered books. That's what we can do now. No excuses. Here's what I started with:
- Catechism of the Catholic Church
- Calvin's Institutes
- Luther's Catechism
- The Bible
- My Brain
- Prayer
It was a start, and I thought it would be fun. I hadn't allotted time for this kind of intense study since when I was writing my senior thesis in my undergrad. I was a bookish kind of person anyway, so I figured that I needed to compare what the Reformer's said to what the Catholic Church teaches and compare both to the Bible, after which I could consider the historical aspects of the Reformation in light of the Catholic narrative, and then particular doctrinal issues as they arose. Good enough. And, so, I drifted off to sleep. Ah, sleep, the only time that the anxiety of this journey would acquiesce to my desire for peace. Instead, I laid in bed tossing and turning, thinking about all I had just read and all I had seemingly just lost, but most importantly that night I began turning to God in prayer. It would begin a prayer I would pray everyday for three years; sometimes while clutching my face in tears.
"God, if this is not of you, throw me off this path. I beg you. Amen."
-little ol' me
