How To Ruin A Urinal

Let's just say "a few days ago", my wife and I celebrated the 100 year anniversary of our parish's existence. After the Mass (said by a Successor of the Apostles--our bishop), we attended a wonderful dinner where about 500 parishioners came and feted the occasion. It was a superbly put on event, and we had a fabulous time. However, when I first arrived as is often the custom, I decided to frequent the loo. For anyone who might be ignorant, in the men's restroom there are these wall-hanging toilets. Unless you are an elf who stumbled upon a major metropolis en route to finding his long-lost father, you know these are meant for one thing: pee.

Now that we got that out of the way, I will say that as I stepped up to, um, you know, uh, relieve myself, I looked down on the floor and found this:

How To Ruin A Urinal (or anything for that matter)

Not this exact one, but a Jack Chick tract like it called, "The Long Trip". In order to understand what I was thinking at this point, let's review some of the facts:

1. An all Catholic event was being hosted at a very nice banquet hall
2. An anti-Catholic tract was placed in the bathroom before the event

Could this be an accident?

OF COURSE NOT!!!

THIS WAS EVANGELISM TIME!!!

Think about it. You have a Catholic, literally, with his pants down. While emptying himself of his, well you-know, he reaches WAY down, picks up the tract, and "Bam, Boom, Kazaam! Holy Spirit got em!"

[The intended subsequent scene: "Brother, we are so glad you came out of that Romanist, Anti-Christ religion. We've been praying for you for years. We know you thought we are ecumenical and all (giggle). I can't wait for you to give your testimony in our chu-hurch about how God saved you in the bathroom."]

Or so thought the local ecclesial community/sect of a larger denominational stripe who printed this thing and is distributing them in my community.

Catholics, wake up! They are after your souls!

[Brent, what was so wrong with the tract? I mean, come on, was it really so bad? Give our separated brothers and sisters a break. They love Jesus, too. We are united by our baptism. "Kumbaya, my Lord, Kumbaya, Kumbaya My..."]

FAITH CHECK: WE ARE IMPERFECTLY UNITED BY OUR BAPTISM. IT IS INCOMPLETE. THEY ARE OUR SEPARATED BROTHERS AND SISTERS.

If I told my friend he had a long-lost brother, but that he will forever be separated from him, that just wouldn't cut it, would it? So, while many times we feel fondly about our separated brothers and sisters (as we should), the distance for them is just far enough to lob what they hope will be scud missile-like havoc on our Catholic faith. (see the above 3 links for relevant CCC sections)

Not convinced? Like a scud missile, the point is that you won't see it coming. Here's the tract in a nut-shell (paid for and printed by one of the largest, activist, main-line Protestant churches in my area):

1. Everyone born is on a road to death (true)
2. On that road are all kinds of people (true)
3. The road to heaven is narrow (true)
4. If you reject Christ, you will go to hell (true)

What's wrong with that, Brent? I'll tell you: the pictures.

While #1 is true (although it can be intervened by infant baptism), the pictures that illustrate #2 and #3 tell us everything about the intention of the message. In #2, we see both a Catholic nun and what appears to be a Catholic cardinal on the "broad road". We also see what appears to be an Orthodox priest, a Buddhist monk and a Muslim on that road as well. Is it possible that a Catholic nun, a Catholic Cardinal and an Orthodox priest could end up in hell? Sure. But, that is not the point of the tract. It is not some nuanced take on theology, but rather a scud missile-like rebuttal of those religions (Catholicism included).

How do I know this?

Really. We love EVERYBODY

Because, when the "gospel" is introduced in the tract, in true bigoted fashion, a white, blond dude on the side of the road is beckoning everyone to listen to the "good news". What is this good news? It is just another form of "easy believism". 

I've already rebutted easy believism. However, what is more interesting is the end of the tract. At the end, the gentlemen who thought he had more time to believe in Christ dies, and Satan reveals himself as the one who tricked him into thinking he had more time. (It literally ends with Satan saying, "Hahahahaha").

I got two things to say, and then I'm out. First, I'm gonna flip the script. Let's try this one on for size:

1. If Jesus established One, True, Church, then
2. To be on the "narrow way", you need to be a part of that Church, and
3. There is a "broad way" that seems right to a man but it leads to destruction
4. "Seems right" is just another way of saying that the individual is the judge and jury of the religion,
5. Therefore, If you are in a Christian religion where you are the judge and jury of what is "right" then you are on a "broad road". In other words, there will be as many roads as there are people. 
6. Outside of the Catholic faith, there are literally 30,000 different official versions of Christianity

One of those seems less narrow to me. Just saying. If the shoe fits, wear it. Or, I guess, if the shoe fits make sure the guy walks out with a pair.

Second, St. Paul makes it pretty clear in Romans 2 that "for when Gentiles who do not have the Law do instinctively the things of the Law, these, not having the Law, are a law to themselves, in that they show the work of the Law written in their hearts, their conscience bearing witness and their thoughts alternately accusing or else defending them, on the day when, according to my gospel, God will judge the secrets of men through Christ Jesus."

The Catholic Church affirms St. Paul's witness today by teaching that those who have not made an explicit confession of faith can still be saved if they respond to the grace God gives them. This, of course, does not mean they can reject Christ and be saved. That is impossible. There is no salvation outside of the saving work of Christ. What the Church affirms is that salvation is a mystery grounded in our union with Christ, a work done by the moving of the Holy Spirit. Neither you or I can contain the work of the Holy Spirit, and only God can judge the heart.

Thank God.

We can judge some thing(s).

Therefore, I judge this tract to be subversive, inaccurate, a waste of paper and a real ruiner of urination.

"Dear Mr. Chick and Associates,
Please Leave us Alone."
-Urinals