Why "Almost Not Catholic"

I will admit that if I had been confronted at various times in my life with the Catholic arguments–although impressive and convincing–I would have failed to feel/sense that extra leading of the Holy Spirit to do something about it. It really was not until my first child was born that I felt the impetus to act–and by act I mean to confront my Protestant theology–because my child had now become a victim of my inaction. I wondered in that desert for over a year before I was ever confronted with the Catholic Church as She is. Even then, upon feeling the weight of the arguments and engaging in the spiritual tug-of-war that is conversion, or rather submission of my will to the possibility that God had established a Church of which I owed my allegiance and a Eucharist I owed my devotion, I still hesitated. It’s why I call my blog “almost not”, because that was my journey. Almost every week, I was teetering on the fence between falling in love and running away. I felt like Zacchaeus, interested and watching, but afraid to get down out of my tree. It was when I entered Mass, that fateful morning, and silently sat in the back and the Scriptures were opened and we stood to hear the King’s words:

“Think not that I came to send peace on the earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. For I came to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law: and a man’s foes shall be they of his own household. He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And he that doth not take his cross and follow after me, is not worthy of me. He that findeth his life shall lose it; and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.”- Matthew 10:34-39

And I wept in my hand, knowing what this meant. It meant that I could no longer, with what I knew, say I am a Christ follower and not follow Him to the utmost. While the choice meant a severing of closely held relationships and the straining of many others, I knew that the Lord had set before me a plow and if I turned away now, I was not worthy. I came into the Church over a year from that day, but it was on that morning that my heart was overcome by what my head knew.

This blog explains what's in my heart. Join me on that journey.

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