Love & Newtown: A Perspective

I'm over here contemplating what good we can learn, as parents, in the face of senseless tragedy.

Keeping Your Kids Catholic

I'm over at Ignitum Today, blogging about faith, family and culture:

Nothing is more frightening than a discussion about “Mercy Killing” than a discussion about “Mercy Killing”. What I mean is that when you are a parent, all of these abstractions — as my friend likes to wax all Danske about — cannot remain abstractions for more than a minute. You don’t talk about this stuff over carmel lattes, instead, it deserves Scotch — on the rocks. Times of war, where death and life are faced head-on —  lived in the tangible terminology of bravery, sacrifice and freedom, are times when the pub is the center-piece of the town. Today, Starbucks is our tavern, and that should tell us something about ourselves.

Because when you have kids, a latte won’t cut it. (I’m not advocating for drunkenness, I’m simply observing that we live in a time when life is viewed as a kind of light and fluffy cappuccino. The irony is that we are drinking these fraps smack-dab in the middle of Helm’s Deep.)

The culture of death (a.k.a., the culture of contraception) has impotently thrust upon western civilization more ills than I can recount in this post. Let me just point out an obvious one: children themselves have become an abstraction. We talk about them as an accessory, banding about little memes like: “They are the greatest things that can happen to you”. Even Catholics think about these “great things” in less than human terms, not because our faith or even our humanity informs the idea but rather that the culture we live in so forcefully, so programmatically, reinforces the theme. However, we are only victims of this pedagogical rhythm of death because we are sipping the lattes. So, naturally…

You can read the whole thing here.

What should you name your kid?...My Gemma and St. Gemma

My Gemma

If God blesses you with children, name them after Saints.

Why?

Why not? 

Two reasons.


First, a recent study came out which showed that 1 in 5 parents admit that they regret the name they gave their child. Did you think some movie was so awesome and the actor so cool that you just had to name your child after him? Do you now (since you've grown up) think the movie is a dud, and is the actor punch-drunk all over the front cover of tabloids in the supermarket?

Bummer. 

My daughter Leah (3 years ago), who
probably will not be the next soccer star.
Yes, her name is not a saint name.
We were not Catholic.

Another study showed how influential a name can be on even the types of activities your child will pursue. Wonder if your little darling "Jazzy" might have a thing for art and the occasional promiscuous night out on the town? The answer is "probably" because his little darling parents gave him that artsy-fartsy-rebel-of-a-name. Just sayin. It's possible, not necessary, but why not give your child the best chance possible...to not be a delinquent. 

Lastly, a gambit of studies (here's one) demonstrate that people don't trust names that are not common. In fact, only a century ago, choosing a common name was the thing to do. Parents didn't think it was cool to "show off" or demonstrate their own personal "uniqueness" on their child's name. Instead, the names "Mary" and "John" were the most popular (saint names). But then again, neither did society think that a child was an object to be thrown-away at epic rates. Think about it. If I said, "Will you let _________ borrow your car, or Frank borrow your car," which scenario makes you more comfortable? Just like the blank space, a name we are unfamiliar with breeds an immediate suspicion or lack of trust. One might even say that such behavior is a necessary, evolutionary mechanism by which we protect ourselves. In other words, the "dark alley" of the unknown is never the better option in whatever form it may take.

Second, name your children after saints because...well...YOU WANT THEM TO BE SAINTS! In most instances (barring "Scholastica"), the name is (1) a common or familiar name and of course (2) one that will give them a fantastic example to follow! That is what I like to call a parent WIN/WIN! Parenting is already difficult -- especially in the world we live today. We are given our children for such a short window of time, and our primary role as parents is to set them on the road to heaven.

Of course, Holy Baptism, Confirmation, Holy First Communion, Holy Confession, and catechesis in the home are the major ways that we work to accomplish that goal. However, choosing your child's name can help too.

St. Gemma Galgani,
ora pro nobis!

I'm Not Here, I'm...

...HERE!

Talking about parenting, Catholicism, and reformation.

By the way, you should really consider adding Ignitum Today to your blogroll. Solid stuff. Here's a little bit of the piece:

It is one thing for the world to be against you. If I turn on the television for more than five minutes, I’m bombarded with the fact that the world is dead-set on my children becoming delinquent, amoral, slaves of the state. Consequently, my wife and I both realize that in today’s culture a heavy dose of vigilanteism is required to raise saints. Game on. Well, mostly game on. To use an analogy, at times it feels like we are on the game-show American Gladiator, and just I feel like saying:

“Hey, you! Yeah you, dude with the awesome mullet. Lay off with the massive cue tip thingy. Seriously, stop whacking me in the head. This is ridiculous. Go get a normal job or something.”

READ THE REST HERE.

Caught: Drive By Parenting

We all know the scene. The yellow tape is up. Evidence abounds. The smell of what just took place is still in the air. A few people stand around trying to figure why it had to happen this way. What ever happened to personal responsibility? A woman on the corner is being interviewed hurriedly by a local reporter:

"Ma'm, what happened?" the reporter shortly asks with an oddly neutral diction for these parts of the country.

"Well, I reckon the fella just thought no one would care. When people don't stick around, its cause they don't care enough. They just ain't thinkin strait! If I eva..."

There are my kids. Like this scene, waiting for someone (Dad) to do more. It's the easy route, or at least it appears to be the path of least resistance. Kids waiting for their parent to do something. Yelling. Screaming. Fussing. Fighting. Kicking. Disrespecting.

Wacha gonna do?

And so I pull up in my metaphorical car, roll down the metaphorical window (which gets stuck halfway down), and look in my metaphorical rear-view to make sure no one sees what I'm going to do.

"You, over there. You, over there. And you, just get over there," I bark just barely a little bit better than a more mature dog.

Soon you can hear my metaphorical wheels peeling away; three kids sitting on the side of the metaphorical road, still in my rear-view as I make my way back to my real couch, the real game and/or any other thing that the entire incident distracted me from.

Thank God, there is a Rangeress in town. The odd thing about this entire scenario is that the original APB came through on my radio, gasp, because I was supposed to be acting as a law-enforcer myself. Instead, Rangeress whispers in my ear:

"Is that more important than your children?"

Ouch. Sting. Bam. Boom. To the kisser. Straight to the moon, Alice!

Mea culpa. Mea culpa. Mea maxima culpa.

Whether in parenting or in some other area of life, all of us can give less than our full attention to that which God has entrusted us. In the case of parenting, I have been guilty of the "drive-by". I've turned my home into the Southside, which strangely is kind of south of the kitchen but thankfully without the graffiti (except for the occasional coloring paper barrage).

I need to do a better job. We all know what the metaphorical window of our metaphorical car is all about. It's about when we are too cautious to get out: whether because we are afraid of getting involved or too proud to dirty our hands.

Parenting requires 100% involvement. The moment of the crime is the teaching moment, not just about the intrinsic good and evil of acts, but about our subjective response to those objective acts. Will I teach my children that their lives, t.....

[This post is interrupted to bring you Breaking News: My two year old son thinks that his brother's blanket is his. Brothers need dad's intervention, so dad leaves typing to intervene. Dad resists temptation to drive-by parent, helps sons resolve conflict which ends in a brotherly hug and an exchange of "I love you's".]

Where was I? Oh yeah...Will I teach my children that their lives are important, that my #1 job is raising them and that typing a blog, watching a football game, etc. is so much less important?

1-0....(as of this moment--not counting last week)

How do you resist the temptation to "drive-by" parent? With so many distractions in our modern world, I'm sure I'm not alone. My virtual couch-side confession, I hope, will start a discussion about personal responsibility, metaphorical windows and the yellow tape that is (metaphorically) all around our overly distracted lives.

This was originally published at Virtuouspla.net. If you haven't already, check out this incredible blog that is written by 30 young Catholics from all over the entire world.