Guest Post Alert! The Rev is in the House!

Pastor RU Reedy at the New-Year Episcopal

Preach Off Competition 2008 -- 2nd place 

For those who don't remember, Pastor R.U. Reedy fleeces leads a flock at Volt Church, a ministry of Engage Outreach International, a subsidiary of PowerHouse, Inc: wholly owned and operated by OnFire.usa. He has a knack for story-telling and the homiletical spin. For us lay people that means he can get his "preach on".

Brothers and Sisters! What is up? It has been way too long since you and I have shared a moment together in the presence of Jehovah. Can you feel it up in the house? Come on somebody!

As a side note, the other day someone told me that the word Jehovah is not in the Bible. I told them, what do you mean its not in the Bible, I'm a preacher and I've been using the word for over 10 years. You can't touch the anointing baby! Last time I checked, the word "trinity" is not in the Bible, and that isn't stopping any religious folks from using it. Well, if the word "trinity" ain't in the Bible, then who cares if Jehovah is just a really bad transliteration of Yahweh from the Hebrew? It isn't like I'm some kind of Bible scholar. I'm a preacher!

So let me get my preach on! I heard the other day that Brent wrote a post about how he would write for some kind of multi-religious blog called Pathos. At first, I was kind of weirded out. I mean this Pathos place sounds like the mark of the beast. But then I thought about it some more. I really don't know anything about Pathos, but I say if Brent can make some dough...then go baby, go! But then I saw this picture and thought to myself:

"Why isn't Engage Outreach International buying some real-estate on that website"? It's time to bring the glory down! Just imagine. Someone happens upon Brent's blog reading about how to become Catholic and all, and down at the bottom a banner says;

Don't worry you will always
have the poor with you!

"Get Saved. Get Sanctified. Get Secure. Get Securities. With 1-800-NIV-GOLD*"

When they click on the link, it will take them to our newest ministry for those looking to make an investment to build up the kingdom. Don't worry. I'm not talking about the poor -- you will always have them around. That's right, I'm talking about gold! Last time I checked, Jesus said he did not come to abolish the Old Testament but to perfect it. Well, I was thumbing through a few pages somewhere between Exodus and Psalms, and I found a whole bunch of gold up in there.

Money. Cometh. To. Me. Now!

I wonder if Pathos would take the ad? They let all those people pretending they don't want 10 wives on there. You know what I say, the anointing will open up doors God can't even close. Nothing is impossible. If Brent goes to Pathos, I will definitely be selling ads on his blog. Just think of all the souls that will be saved and my the bank accounts that will be filled. That gives me Holy Ghost chill-bumps just thinking about it.

I should probably wrap up this blog sermonette, because I know I've given you a lot to think about. I wouldn't want to load you up with the meat of the Word since you are only just babes trying to come off the liquored-up milk of Romanism. Anyways, most preachers like to quote Scripture. I like to reference Scripture. If you noticed, I talked about Exodus and Psalms. That is two books of the Bible, which makes me a pretty advanced preacher. So before you finish this post, think about that.

Exodus and Psalms! What did you think I was talking about? There are 190 chapters to meditate on between the two. And after you get done, dial 1-800-NIV-GOLD*. Our prayer attendants are standing by.


*1-800-NIV-GOLD is not a real number. If you call that number, I am not responsible for what happens. This was satire. If you dial the number thinking you will reach someone, you have failed to appreciate the satire. In fact, you have failed. Miserably.

Guest Post: Pastor Roger U. Reedy

Pastor RU Reedy at the New-Year Episcopal
Preach Off Competition--2nd place 

Today, I've allowed a guest blogger to write at Almost Not Catholic. He is an old friend of sorts. We met in college and needless to say, we went our separate ways. Pastor R.U. Reedy leads a flock at Volt Church, a ministry of Engage Outreach International, a subsidiary of PowerHouse, Inc: wholly owned and operated by OnFire.usa. I think you will find him...interesting. He has a knack for story-telling and the homiletical spin. For us lay people that means he can get his "preach on".


Ladies and gentlemen, I feel honored to be with you here on this world-wide-web of wondrous connectivity. I am amazed every time I step foot onto the internet just how good God is. This is a divine appointment! I know what you are thinking. How do you know Brent? Well, Brent is an old friend, and someone who I prayed for when I found out he was going to become a Catholic. I tarried, I tell you, I tarried for his soul.

You win some. You lose some.

So what does he do? I'll tell you. He lets me on his "Catholic blog" thingy to write about Jesus. Come on somebody. Didn't he know what he was getting himself into? Our weapons of warfare are mighty through God for the pulling down of papist apologetical, international strongholds. Did you know the Vatican is a sovereign state? Ooh yeah, baby. Somebody say, amen!

I'm on the loose, and ready to bust a Holy Ghost party up in here.

[the band starts up but Pastor Reedy calms them down]

Dust off your Bibles and open up a can of solo scriptura (and you didn't think I knew theology) devil-thrashing. Repeat after me,

"This is my paraphrase. I am what it says I am, I own what it says I own, I eat what it says I eat, I sleep when it says I sleep, I smoke what it says I smoke. This is my Sword, and by George I will kill myself with it if I have to."

The verse for today's message is John 3:16:

"For God so loved the world..."

Did you hear that? God loves YOU! Look at your neighbor and say, "He's talking about ME!" You are the awesomeness of awesome. Put down your Sword and listen up. You put the awesome in awesomeness. You probably are going to want to write that down in the margins of John 3:16 so you will remember it next time you are reading the Bible.

REAL Christians do this to their Bibles

Go on now. Am I preaching to myself?

Some people say that God is demanding of you. Let me ask you something, does God need anything? No. So, if he doesn't need anything, and he isn't a limerick, then he doesn't own a pizza shop. Exactly. If you don't own a pizza shop, you don't need workers. No workers. No demands. Every morning, God is loving you with his heart, soul, mind and strength. I know religion tells you that God demands this of you, but we just covered that. Case closed. Can I get an amen up in here?

To end this show, I want to testify to how good God is.

[enter keyboard music]

God Wants YOU
to be rich!

When I was 7 years old, I saved my little brother from a burning fire. At 14, I broke a guy's nose who was trying to be fresh with a young lady. On my way out to college, I nearly hit a dog in the road, but I didn't. During college, I got up early every morning to pray, sometimes as early as 8:00am. After college, I met a homely girl and married her. A few years ago, I gave $200 to a woman who needed to pay her rent. She was evicted (apparently her rent was $500), but I exercised my faith--she apparently thought the money was not for rent; maybe it was the neighborhood. And last week...last week I delivered over 2,000 books to my television listeners. Free of charge (less shipping and handling).

Isn't God good?

This guest post was inspired by numerous TV preachers who pedal Christianity and receive a better income than most Americans.